Brutally Honest Confessions : Normal women trying to get by : The one with the truth about conception

For as long as I can remember I’ve never been the maternal type.. Don’t get me wrong I love the look and smell of babies… In other people’s arms.. Babies were just never my “thing” I wanted the career, to travel and to have “fun” I never realised how much fun having kids could be…. But that’s a future blog post!

Tgats why when I met my husband in 2006, knowing he’d had a vasectomy, I wasn’t worried about not having babies, we lived in Cyprus and worked in the Scuba Diving industry, we were going to travel the world and babies were ft from on the adjender!! We married in 2007 whilst still living in Cyprus and the plan was to spend the summer working there and gaining our dive instructor qualifications and then spend the winter in Thailand living the dream.

Except funny things happened that summer, there were these gorgeous, scrummy babies everywhere, young families living Their dream on family holidays, taking bike rides and splashing around in the pools. It started as a late night thought, as you do, I think my period was late or had just started (yup I said period, get used to it because this is setting the tone for the rest of this series of blog posts) I started wondering what it would be like to have a MicTrev or a TrevMich running around… Would it have his dreamy blue eyes that turned green when angry or my “chocolate button eyes”? We’ll I’ll be damned look at Mrs broody!!

Fast forward 3 years.. we’re now living back in England (Thailand never happened, its now in the “Bucket List”) we’ve been on an emotional roller coaster, we have both wanted, unwanted and then wanted kids, we’ve had some crazy arguments, usually… no in fact definitely, when i’ve had a glass of wine and its all his fault that he’s ruined my life.. because you know I’m that reasonable when I’m under the influence of alcohol.

My friends won’t mention pregnancy or babies around me, people think I’m some kind of baby stealing lunatic… that’s what hurts the most, people now think that I’ve turned into some sour faced witch who can’t be happy for others. I remember going to a friends house for her hen party and walking into the kitchen were 3 of my best friends we’re having a conversation about my ex, his new wife was pregnant and they all looked like they could cry for me, the thing that hurt the most was that they didn’t know me well enough to know that 1: I didn’t give a flying duck (yes I meant duck, I’m testing the waters) how many people my ex impregnates, I was pleased he was happy and I still am and 2: That I was hiding a little secret of my own.. Just a few weeks before Trevor had undergone a vasectomy reversal at The Spire Hospital in Nottingham, the surgeon was hopeful that, although his reversal had been 7 years previous, we would be able to conceive naturally.

At the time life was good, we had a good business, I had a horse on part share, was having weekly private riding lessons, we had a lovely car, nice house, my shoe and bag collections were growing nicely. And then I turned into a bloody lunatic, I used an app called Pink Pad (I still do to be honest) to track my periods and ovulation, I knew what egg white cervical mucous looked like and that it meant ovulation time, I had all of our “DTD” = Doing The Deed’s recorded and scheduled and my favourite thing in the world was peeing on sticks and analysing lines. His operation was April 2010 and by the time we returned from our 2 week holiday in Cyprus at the beginning of September I had decided that I would in fact like to wait for 2 more years until we really tried for a baby, until the we would “see how things went” I had a game plan for the next 2 years and even brought my husband a little 2 seater sports car. Hahahaha ohh how the island of love likes to play tricks, little did I know that we went out as 2 and came back as 2 and a ball of cells!

I always thought i’d do a big announcement when I found out I was pregnant, make daddy a cute t-shirt or give him a card from the baby to announce his knocking me up, but one fateful Monday morning as I took a test 2 weeks after my period was due, not suspecting a thing.. I mean we’d tried for 4 months and nothing, now we weren’t trying how could it possibly be? I had all the usual period signs, belly ache, sore boobs etc. I took the test purely to put my mind at rest before I went horse riding, I was casually brushing my teeth when I glanced over and expected to read the “Not Pregnant”, Instead Pregnant 3+ I was so shocked I literally chucked the test at, a very sound asleep, Trevor. He said something really stupid that only a man could say and i responded with “well you didn’t pee on it did you!” I have been pregnant a further 2 times since then (well 3 actually but 1 sadly ended in an early miscarriage which to this day not many people know about).. Below are a few acronyms that you’ll come across if you are reading about Trying To Conceive (TTC) and my take on them..

DTD = Doing the Deed… sex, shagging, making love, f……. no i won’t go there yet! Allowing the husband/partner/turkey baster to do its job as quickly as it can at a very scheduled time… Every other day if he’d lucky

NTNP = Not Trying, Not Preventing… Using no form of contraception but not tracking cycles.. except you really are, you still know ovulation dates and still DTD every other day and then spend the TWW (see below) symptom spotting and convincing yourself your boobs have grown and you have food aversions

TWW = Two Week Wait…This can describe the 2 weeks between your period and your ovulation where you are waiting to ovulate and DTD, but is normally the 2 weeks between ovulation and your period being due to start… This is the 2 weeks where you think you have nailed it, you’re sure there is a bean in there, you’ve convinced yourself you have implantation pains and/or bleeding, you feel guilty for drinking and check if you can still eat eggs, you POAS (See below) to see if your LH (a hormone used to detect ovulation) goes up or down and you are sure the dip means you’re pregnant.. about 4 days before your period is due you start POAS on internet cheapie and convince yourself you have 2 lines, you get your tests out the bin and google “evaporation line” until you start to go blind, you know the sensitivity in every brand of pregnancy test and will poke it in the husbands eye if he comes in with a blue dye. its basically 2 weeks of stress, hell and hormones.. I’m going through it right now… did someone say “google pregnancy signs 4 days after ovulation 10 days before period?”

POAS = Pissing On A Stick… yup!

Well thanks for reading, I hope you liked it, the warning was in the title, lets just be glad I didn’t go into cervix positions at different times of the month or post any “How Too” photos on the best position for conception…. I have some somewhere LOL. I’ll have a corresponding video over on my YouTube channel by the end of today (Friday 8th July 2016), please check that and Emma’s post over at The Stationery Geekette to see her Brutally Honest Confessions… of Conception.. we will be back next fir day with the second in the series.

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